사랑

2011-07-01T11:49:00.000-07:00

havent blogged in a long while, because i found no reason to. anyways its close to 3 am now, and i got the urge to blog. but before i do, i decided to stop writing in this blog, and open a new one. just wanted a change. anyways if you want to know the address then ask me.

2011-05-30T11:29:00.000-07:00

nothing lasts forever.

2011-05-05T11:04:00.000-07:00

recently i have been thinking about quite a number of things, and i got perplexed and baffled by some of my thoughts, and things that were said or told, about convos or what i observed.
wondering about what's with the world concept of certain things, and my concept of them.
how everything is evolving, i'm trying to make sense of all my thoughts collectively, however i couldn't come to any conclusion.
Don't get me wrong, i am not emo or sad or whatever, but rather, i am just troubled and maybe burdened by it.
sometimes, i wonder, does it matter...is it important, when comparing to the bigger picture??
and trying to see things in a different light, or changing how we perceive things maybe might be the solution in some situations.
and the excuse of saying is easy, but doing is difficult, is very easy to come up with. however, did we try hard enough? And every once in awhile, i get reminded of how flawed i am, or can be.
and am i doing enough?
hmm....

2011-04-18T10:17:00.000-07:00

haven't post anything in a long while. had a lot of thoughts but was too lazy to pen it down. however tonight, as i reflect, i have the urge to pen it down.
anyways since i last posted, life went on, and there are good and bad days as usual.
as my birthday approaches once again, 24 this time, how OLD, time really waits for no man...anyways i remembered a question from a few years ago, "looking back on your life, what have you done with it that you can say you are proud of?" and up till today. i still have no answer for that...for how do we judge what is good enough to be proud of? on another note, just as i tweeted, more than gifts in the world, it would suffice just to know that i've brought joy, made a difference, made all my love ones(encompassing all my friends) felt love, cared for by me. that in itself is more important than anything else. it's human to err, but its not an excuse to do so, so in this too, i hope that i didn't cause any of my love ones any pain, hurt, or give them any burdens, cause if i did, for that i am sorry, and seek forgiveness. i cherish each and everyone's appearance in my life, for each of you taught me something, each of you brought out a different aspect of me, be it emotions, or whatever else and made me feel loved, happy in your own way... and even the hurt & pain, cause it will enable me to grow stronger from it and for that i am really thankful! and i hope that my appearance in your life was and is still a good one too! :D
alright, shall end here.

2011-03-28T01:15:00.000-07:00

inundating pressure.
overwhelming and burdening.
things that were shared with me.
its better to not know things sometimes.
to live up to so many different expectations.
is really daunting.

the need to steel.
is more evident now.
but why cant i.

tsk.

2011-03-25T06:44:00.000-07:00

*edit*
confused. totally. confused.

conflicting thoughts....
on most days. i am okay and the days go by normally.
yet on some days, i remember and i guess i still have the feelings for .... after all, its deep...
and the pang of pain is felt and i m torn again.

hmm...
now i am wondering, did i just built a wall, and shove & lock up whatever emotions i have cause i can't bear the pain of facing it and am too tired so i am deluding myself. and force myself to ignore and avoid??

or is it really slowly getting better, or diminishing ??
...i honestly dont know...

yet, i think there might be an ___ to hmmm....
but it is not possible because...well...
and i am not sure either....

or maybe this is just a passing phase.
haiz.

on a side note, i think i lost my faith too...

2011-02-05T00:52:00.000-08:00

Life is too short.
When in comparison to people who have it worse,
Your situation just seem so small and insignificant.
Anyways as cliche as it is,
Everything happens for a reason.
You can chose to learn from things and come out stronger,
Or wallow in self pity and feel emotional.

For me, I guess I will be stronger.

Anyways thanks to you(you know who you are) for the post,& the random msn convos that always seem
To come at the right time:) <3 !! It did make me feel better!:)

2011-01-30T10:18:00.000-08:00

had a relatively fun outing today with the esprimere peeps!
managed small convos with different people.
realized that if you take time to know the person, you will realized that they are actually really funny and nice. enjoyed the company.
after all of them left.
tiffany and i carried on shopping.
we rock! haha. bought stuff tog by helping each other chose! and convincing each other that it was nice:) lols.
on the mrt back,spent a one on one quality time chatting about anything under the sun with her, something which we both havent been doing for quite awhile. came to the realization,that we both were kinda going through the same "shit"(forgive the word) the past few days/weeks and realized that our reactions to it are the same. its nice that she understands what i am going thru, because she is too. and it makes it so much easier to talk about it...am really grateful and glad for the convos and company! like i always say, shes like a younger sis and friend, i never had:) and i hope she feels better too:)
<3 you tiffany!!:P

2011-01-26T09:33:00.000-08:00

best friend came over today.
chill out. and shared stuff.
finally let most of the contradicting and conflicting thoughts and pent up frustrations, feelings and everything else out. how i feel like i am a terrible person.
things are always easier said than done. hah.
Teared alittle.
also told the best friend about my lack of emotions/reactions to certain things and people.
how it scares me terribly.
best friend didnt say much but just the company and the listening ear was enough.
felt much better.
time to suck it back up and be stronger from this.
i know that i have much inadequacies, but i also have my strengths.
need to change and find the balance.

had convos about many other things too.

on another note, recently came across this quote, which i kind of like, though i still question if it's really right to feel this way.

"if you can't handle me at my worse, you sure as hell, don't deserve me at my best"

2011-01-25T09:58:00.000-08:00

i'm not perfect but i keep trying.

enough said.

really.

reflection.

2011-01-23T09:28:00.000-08:00

conflicting and contradicting thoughts.hearing the things that were said,convos btwn people/friends/family, and all over...seeing things happening around me, to ppl, to myself and many other stuff, all add on to the thoughts in my head.

and although, i am a really direct person and show my emotions most of the times.
these few days, it's easier to put on a facade. because of the very fact that i don't want to trouble people and i can't explain myself anyways... so i rather put on a pretence, with the excuse that i am tired to mask everything else. anyways i am just very confused, too much thoughts piled on each other. but i am not emotional at all, in fact feeling abit numb and emotionless(which may seem worse? i dont know) haha.
though in this, i can tell and feel who are the ones who truly care about me because they could see and took the time to ask. especially the one who specially msg me to ask. really grateful! its nice to know that someone cares.

in a nutshell.
character flaws that surfaced within me.
thoughts of many kinds.
changes that need to be done.

"When the stage is bare tonight
There’s no one else
Just you and me
When the curtains close behind
There’s no pretense
I’m on my knees"

2011-01-20T09:02:00.000-08:00

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I can hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
There's no doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There aint nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

Ohhh... To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on a rolling sea
Down on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You aint see nothing like me yet
I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
No there's nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love

To make you feel my love

nice song.

2011-01-19T09:53:00.000-08:00

messages asking if i am okay.
tweets that made me lols.
really made me feel so much better.
thank girls for your concern!! <3!! (you both know who you are)
really appreciate it:)

2011-01-15T06:42:00.000-08:00

questions that linger in my mind.

what is the right way to live my life?
am i supposed to talk and act the way,my family, friends and society perceived me to be?
isn't there more to life than just getting a good grade/job/etc?

society,media,people have their own views on what is important in life, and the path to take, so you seem "normal" in their eyes. but then again, whose to say what's right, what's wrong? since everything is compromised into a grey area now.

just a thought, after chatting with friends, and watching a show.

on a side note, attended a wedding today, i usually love attending weddings, because it's a joyful occasion where two become one, and the blissful looks you see on both the bride and groom's faces are priceless, the love that can be seen and felt as they look into each other's eyes while exchanging the vows and committing to each other. the relief as the groom kisses the bride and being able to finally say that "she is mine" and the thank you speech to their family and friends and people who have been in their lives, is always so touching and sweet!! :)

*i have an inkling that something is not right. but shall not assume or dwell on it...hmm but the same pattern seems to be repeating...but oh wells, shall just stay positive!:) :p

2011-01-12T09:39:00.000-08:00

*to You, (just like the song says)
"So if you're mad get mad, Don’t hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now,I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you, Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you, Take me in into your darkest hour
And I’ll never desert you, I’ll stand by you
And when, when the night falls on you, baby
You're feeling all alone, You won't be on your own
I’ll stand by you....."

if you read this,
you worry me. felt affected by what you felt for most part of the whole day,
tho i never show it...
really hope you are better though:)
do take care :)

2011-01-09T06:02:00.000-08:00

unconditional love.
defined as "Love that exists and concerns itself with the happiness of another person without any thought for what we might get for ourselves; (no strings attached-meaning you give all of yourself without expecting anything in return)."

two simple words, but yet so complex in it's own.
food for thought.hmm

2010-12-03T10:30:00.000-08:00

it suddenly dawn on me today as i was chilling and chatting with az, that December is here.
and in a few weeks time, it will be the end of 2010, and the beginning of 2011.
a year passed by so fast. a year passed by like that. how has everyone's one year been?
it feels like yesterday, when i anticipating getting into uni, making new friends, excited about what it will feel like to study again, joining ccas. and now that i finish one sem, and with the results out. its feels surreal. along the way. i made different groups and types of new friends. through my orientation group and the ccas(clubs) that i joined, there are some that i got closer to, whether awhile back or recently and those are people that i really appreciate and cherish their friendship! and i enjoyed the quality time spent with each of them:):) while some i realized will only be acquaintances or rather, i choose to keep it that way because of disappointments and hurts, they gave thru their true colours. and so i decided to invest my time in friends who i want to share my life with, and vice versa, and of whom i love and cherish their appearance in my life...:):)
and of course, old friends are also awesome, through many random outings, or just chill out sessions, or random phone calls,sms, msn chats, it feels good to continue being close, and sharing our life with each other in a deeper way...
now on a more personal level, i feel that in this one year, i have changed quite a fair bit. once again, as i mentioned in my previous post awhile back, i am not too sure if its for the better or for the worse? on some days, as i reflect about my day, the people i meet and spend time with, or just on general as a whole, i wonder if i spend the 24 hours in a day well? my conversations, my words and actions, things i am expected to do, things i want to do, did i do it well, did i do it all? was i right in doing or saying this?? and the most important qns is. if i were to die tml, what would i want to be remembered for?? from time to time, this qns pops up in my head. so before i get emotional, or want to do anything rash, i would stop to think, about this qns... there's a quote that goes "the great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it" but saying is easy, and doing is always difficult...but if we don't try, then we will never improve.
and also, theres something that came about, that cause me to think and feel quite deeply about it...there were many things, that were left unsaid...and i felt things i never feel before, did things i never think i would do before, but i still dont know what will come out of it...although am hoping for the best, and i will try my best...but then again, anything can happen....and sometimes, its hurts, but because of i love...it overlooks everything else....
i guess, all in all, i still cannot totally say for sure if this was a good year, but, it was definitely one with lots of ups and downs, and i am still trying to deal with it.

okay, shall sign off here, because i am getting sleepy.
till i feel like writing another post again.
"loving someone maturely is when their interest outweighs your own."

2010-09-20T10:16:00.000-07:00

it's been ages since i blog, or feel like penning down my thoughts. somehow, i feel like doing so tonight.

many things happened, situations changes,
since i last blog. good and bad. sad and happy. disappointments and joy.
along the way. i changed. for better or for worse, i have yet to fathom. you can judge for yourself, i chanced upon many quotes, but i feel one of the best ones are, "if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at changes"

like totally, we like to think, others are the problems, but then again, the problem may be just us, how we perceive things and people to be, when we find the flaw in others, maybe that's the flaw we have in ourselves too or maybe we have other flaws.. who is to judge?

and "you can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving."

now this two quotes are easier said than done in reality, its not impossible but in our inadequacy as humans, and our nature to be selfish(just how much, to which extend).

i realized recently that some part of me, is morphing into something i didn't like to be, in fact, i detest it...i really need to let go of it, and i know i can't do it on my own. recently, many things, people, reminded me of how it was supposed to be...

there were many apt lessons and reminders from friends, and talks, that reminded me and taught me once again. there are still many things i need to change. so that i can truly be a better person, a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend.

to end.
i think the song that implies the best about this whole thing is "i'm starting with the girl in the mirror, and i'm asking her to change her ways, no message could have been any clearer, if you wana make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make that change."

and i always ask myself: "what do i want to be remembered for?"

sigh.

2010-04-28T05:45:00.000-07:00

my love...

SNSD!

소녀시대 사랑!!

*am too lazy to blog, but i just had to make my love for snsd known.:)

:) have been viewing soshified and any snsd related youtube videos and sites/news.

on a side note.

i like certain songs from other kpop artists too

2pm.kara.secret.t-ara.rain :)

2010-01-31T21:59:00.001-08:00

new layout.new start.